


Tensile Strength

by ladyhouston, medusa20



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-07
Updated: 2012-07-20
Packaged: 2017-11-10 08:37:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/464329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyhouston/pseuds/ladyhouston, https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusa20/pseuds/medusa20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ties that bind Sheldon to Amy and Penny are put to the test</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Tensile Strength
> 
> Ratio of the maximum load a material can support without fracture when being stretched to the original area of a cross section of the material. When stresses less than the tensile strength are removed, a material completely or partially returns to its original size and shape

Alexis crawled into the closet. It was never-ending. She fully expected that at any minute she would end up in a snow-filled forest being greeted by a faun named Mr. Tumnus. She didn't find woods or a lamp post but she did find yet _another_ box. A groan escaped her. This better not be more comic books. Her mother told her not to disrespect the comic books since selling even a third of them would probably pay off her medical school loans.

She backed out of the closet, dragging the mystery box with her. She longed to be at the beach although she would probably be reading test protocols and trial results instead of sunbathing and reading a trashy novel. No rest for Dr. Alexis Cooper even on her day off. Her mother decided it was time to clear out some of her father's belongings two years after his death. Alexis contemplated the box but her mind wandered to her latest drug trial. Hopefully, it would stop the cancer currently spreading through her mice.

The loss of her father stabbed her. She longed to discuss her research with him. Ever since she could remember, her father had been grooming her for medical school. She was pretty sure she was the only first grader to receive a copy of _Gray's Anatomy_ as a birthday gift and even more certain that she was one of the few who could read it.

And she wasn't to be just any kind of doctor.

"Oncologist." Her father taught her to spell when she was five. "Specializing in research." He had stood behind her, his long fingers covering her shoulders as they looked with identical blue eyes into a mirror. "You, Alexis, will cure cancer."

That is what she set out to do, developing at least one drug regimen that worked. She had astounded her colleagues in the research field. Some of them had been working on drug trials for years; she had found success at age 32. And what does her father do? Ups and dies of heart attack. Sometimes, life just wasn't fair.

Alexis took the lid off the box and drew in her breath. Nestled in tissue paper and gleaming like black onyx was a pair of knee high leather boots by Prada. They had a four inch heel and a three quarter inch platform on the sole. The zipper sparkled in the sunlight. The leather was like butter. Alexis lifted out one of the boots and admired it. Boots like these were at least seven hundred dollars. They couldn't be her mother's- the size was wrong. Her father's? Was this part of the reasons he was so odd? A breathy laugh escaped her. Her father's skinny leg may have fit but not his ridiculously huge foot. Upon further investigation, she realized these boots would fit her.

Alexis removed the boot trees from the legs and stepped into the boots. Both zippers slid up easily and the leather coated her calves. They didn't quite reach her knees but a quick glance in the full length mirror revealed that she was nearly as tall as her father with them on. Alexis admired her image. Was there anything sexier than short shorts and knee high boots?

A gasp made her turn around. He mother stood there clutching two glasses of lemonade.

"Where did you find those?" She said.

Alexis indicated the closet with a jerk of her head. "In there. Way in the back."

"I can't believe he kept them." Her mother muttered, placing two coasters on the bureau followed by the glasses.

"These were Dad's?" Alexis' voice was incredulous. Her mother frowned.

"Wait here." And she disappeared once more. When she returned, she was carrying a manila envelope. "Sit."

Alexi sat on the large double bed. Her mother sat beside her. "Your father was supposed to tell you this story years ago but I think…I know he didn't want to tell you anything that would taint your opinion of him." She took Alexis' hand in her smaller one. "Or of me."


	2. Chapter 2

"I can't believe you're doing this."

"Can't believe what?" Sheldon asked Leonard. "That I'm getting married or that I am getting married before you?"

Leonard ran his hands through his hair and tugged at the curls at the base of his scalp. "Sheldon, you cannot marry Amy."

Sheldon popped the buttocks off Green Lantern and withdrew $150. "Why not?"

"Um…um" Leonard began.

"You've decided to meditate now? I told you the proper word is 'Ohm'". Sheldon raised an eyebrow.

"You can't marry her because she's obnoxious.' Leonard began to list his points. "She's cold and a little controlling." Sheldon appeared unfazed by his revelations. "and you don't love her."

"That's ridiculous." Sheldon crossed his arms. "For centuries, marriages were brokered for the mutual benefit of the families involved, to acquire land or bring new blood into the lineage. Often, the bride and groom didn't meet until they stood across from each other at the ceremony. Romantic love being required for marriage is a fairly modern notion and one that seems to have done the institution of marriage more harm than good."

Leonard stared at the ceiling hoping something would come to him or fall from the sky so as to stop this potential disaster. He gave one more final attempt.

"Sheldon, Penny…"

"Is gone, Leonard." Sheldon's eyes blazed. "Now, are you going to drive me to City Hall or must I put a call in to Raj.?"

Leonard picked up his keys. "Before we go, just explain to me why you are doing this." Sheldon placed his messenger bag across his chest. He zipped up the navy blue windbreaker Penny had given him last Christmas and trailed his hand slowly down the sleeve.

"Amy and I are perfectly suited. We have the same interest in science, the same beliefs about social interactions. Marriage with her will ensure that my life will remain relatively unchanged because she will never want more from me than I am willing to give. It will be the most stress-free relationship in my life."

Leonard followed Sheldon out the door and down the stairs. Yep. This was going to be a complete and utter disaster.

XXXX

Sheldon did not actually move in with Amy until a month after their marriage. The only witnesses that day were Leonard and Amy's mother. Sheldon wore his plaid suit and Amy wore an off-white skirt suit with a small pillbox hat. Leonard thought she looked like a mushroom. The newly wedded Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler-Cooper did not kiss at the end of the ceremony. They posed for one picture(Amy's mother insisted) before bidding each other a good day at work.

Leonard followed Sheldon into the men's room. "What the hell was that?" He leaned against the sink and faced the stall Sheldon's ugly shoes poked out from. Sheldon emerged from the stall in his swirling red triangle shirt, blue slacks and a yellow undershirt. Leonard grimaced.

"My confidence in you as a witness had dropped considerably since you cannot identify what it was you just observed." Sheldon washed his hands; Lenard handed him a paper towel.

"Am I supposed to drive you to Amy's after work today?"

"Don't be silly." Sheldon gathered his belongings. "Tonight is HALO night."

XXXX

When Sheldon finally did move into the brownstone Amy once shared with her mother, who was now in an apartment a block away, the initial months were quite pleasant. One of their first outings as a married couple was to the grocery store. Amy and Sheldon rounded the corner and walked down the cereal aisle. They decided at the beginning of this trip that it was practical for Amy to push the cart while Sheldon, because of his tall stature, would get the food from the high shelves (the food at the back was fresher anyway).

They both agreed that a high fiber cereal was in their best interest, but neither could decided on which cereal to get. They argued for an hour about soluble fiber, non-starch polysaccharides and USDA regulations before changing the subject to more pleasurable debates such as the effect of oligosaccharides on the digestive tract.

Now that they were walking down the dreaded aisle, voices were once again raised over dietary issues.

"You know that I can't have Raisin Bran. Although it's a brilliant plan on the company's part to put raisins and bran in the same box, it contains malt flavorings which I cannot abide by," Amy said in protest.

"And yet you eat Whoppers like they were the last food on earth," Sheldon responded.

"Excuse me! Whoppers contain real malted milk. It's the phoniness on Kellogs part that I can't stand."

Sheldon rolled his eyes and continued down the aisle.

"What about Weetabix?" Amy said spotting the yellow box among the organic cereals.

"Definitely not. Weetabix loses its molecular consistency too quickly to make it through an episode of Doctor Who."

"Well, it appears we are at an impasse. Since neither of us can agree on fiber content," Amy lifted the Fruity Pebbles off of the shelf and presented them to Sheldon. "why don't we get a little crazy?" She shook the box and gave him an impish look. Sheldon felt the corners of his mouth turn up against his will. At the sight of that kind of smile on Amy's face, the knot, which had taken up permanent residence since their marriage, began to unfurl. He hadn't been wrong or acted in haste, no matter what Leonard said. Amy was just as capable of whimsy as anyone.

While Sheldon was sure Amy might not provide the same level of fun as, say, destroying a hoard of Hungarian barbarians with a novice player or learning that hot fudge can top more than just ice cream, the two of them could create their own rituals which would be unique to them and just as amusing.

"Very well." Sheldon agreed. "and let's not separate them out by color." He placed the Fruity Pebbles in the shopping cart while Amy admired his daring.

It began to change on a day that Amy picked Sheldon up from work.

"Are you ready for dinner?" She asked.

"I am." He replied. Amy maneuvered into the right lane, preparing to take the turn.

"Where are you going?" Sheldon's voice had an undercurrent of worry.

"It's Tuesday." Amy said. "I'm taking you to the Cheesecake Factory for your cheeseburger." A fine sheen of perspiration covered Sheldon's brow. He lowered the window but the hot outside air brought little relief.

"Amy, I propose that, in order to celebrate our new relationship status, we eat a new meal at a new place on Tuesdays entirely of your choosing." Amy's eyes slid over to look at him. Interesting.

"I accept your proposal." Amy said. "There is a delightful Mexican restaurant near our brownstone. We can walk there. A stroll before and after dinner is always invigorating and aides digestion.

Sheldon gave her a tight smile. Mexican food on a Tuesday. A walk before and after dinner. Sheldon gave his sternum a small rub. He could already feel his descent into Jewish hell.

XXXX

The unhappiness developed slowly. At first, Sheldon and Amy were perfectly in tune. Their contract was solid, signed and stowed in a safe deposit box. Nights found them working on their respective laptops then retiring precisely at 10:30. Each one would climb into a twin bed.

"Good night, Sheldon.""Goodnight, Amy."

One morning, Amy came back into the bedroom, holding a white button down shirt. Sheldon had just pulled on a kelly-green long-sleeved shirt and was about to top it with his black Flash t-shirt when Amy's little cough stopped him.

"You should wear this." She held out the shirt.

"Am I going to court again?" He was confused.

"No," Amy was equally baffled. Court, _again_? "This suits you better."

Sheldon gingerly took the hanger; he inspected the shirt. "It's so stiff and look at all those buttons."

Amy sighed. "Sheldon, you are a senior theoretical physicist. You are married. It's time to leave the clothes of your wild bachelor days behind."

Meemaw had told him marriage was all about compromise. Grudgingly, he drew on the shirt.

"Holy mother of God, what is he wearing?" Howard grabbed Raj's shoulder as they approached the table. Sheldon's curved back was to them covered in a mottled grey sweater. "Is that a cardigan?" Howard spluttered.

They approached the table as if Sheldon were some kind of mythical creature that would leap up and behead them with the fire in his eyes or the snakes in his hair once he caught wind of their intended tomfoolery. Raj and Howard each stood behind a chair facing the physicist. Howard bit his knuckle. A white button down shirt, too! This was like Hanukkah in July.

"Sheldon." Raj greeted, trying to keep a straight face but failing miserably.

"Raj." Sheldon returned but cast a wary eye at Howard.

"Sheldon, "Howard slid into a chair. "are you auditioning for the Vienna Boys Choir?"

Sheldon said nothing though his cheeks did pink.

"I don't think so." Raj was thoughtful. "He's far too tall and can only sing when drunk."

"Perhaps," Howard mused. "This is part of some type of marital sex play and Sheldon is the naughty school boy. Amy always did seem to be hiding a dominatrix under all those sweaters." Sheldon gripped his sandwich so hard, his fingers pierced the bread.

"After all," Howard continued. " She dictates when he can go out, when he as to be home, with whom he can associate and, now, we've apparently moved on to clothing."

Raj made the sound of a whip lashing through the air. Sheldon's ears turned red.

"Oh, no, no, no." Howard held up a warning finger. "That is entirely the wrong sound ,my friend for we know in the Cooper-Fowler marriage, there is definitely no puss-" Sheldon stood up so rapidly that he knocked his tray to the floor. The clattering silverware drowned out the snickers of the engineer and the astrophysicist. Sheldon chewed furiously on his upper lip. His hands clenched and unclenched.

"What's wrong, Shelly?" Cat got your tongue?" Howard's blue eyes held pure innocence.

Sheldon steamed under his sweater. In fact, the garment lived up to its name for he had been sweating in it all day. A thousand replies clogged his throat and the scream of outrage stuck there made it impossible to breathe. He hated fighting, couldn't tolerate loud noises, swore, after Penny, he'd never ever argue with anyone over anything again. Sheldon ran a finger around his shirt collar and exited the cafeteria still shaking with pent-up fury.

"We may have touched a nerve." Raj observed. Howard just shook his head.

XXXX

The next hurdle came three weeks after the shirt. Amy was going through her Victorian doll catalog when she saw Sheldon put on his windbreaker.

"Where are you going?"

"It's Wednesday night." Sheldon answered. "Wednesday night is HALO night."

"Still?" Amy raised an eyebrow.

"I don't recall any discussion regarding it would change."

"Sheldon, is it really necessary for you to play with your friends after seeing them at work?" Raj's car horn sounded.

""Yes it is because when we are at work, we are working." He countered. "My ride is here and, frankly, I do not understand your issue with this. I have made considerable adaptations- I moved, changed my dining schedule, modified my form of dress. Even laundry night is now Sunday afternoons as opposed to Saturday night. I will not give up my recreational activities."

Amy gave a soundless laugh. Amazingly, Sheldon still thought himself the intellectual superior, a mindset bred from his years associating with those friends and that waitress.

"That is true. However, I should point out that you have only modified the activities in which you were an active participant with Penny. I find it interesting HALO has remained unchanged." A muscle twitched in Sheldon's cheek. Raj beeped again and Sheldon opened the door.

"Wasn't she always your partner?" Amy called after him.

Sheldon closed the door, muttering "Curse you." under his breath. He lost every game that night.

XXXX

"I think we should have a baby," Amy said one evening over Kung Pao chicken four months into their marriage.

The statement took Sheldon completely by surprise, which was the first time that happened since she asked him to meet her mother over a year ago. He managed to choke down his Mountain Dew and carefully studied his steamed rice while trying to think of the right response.

"How do you propose we do that?" he asked carefully, studying her response in the corner of his eye.

Amy shifted uncomfortably. She took a bite of her dinner and chewed exactly thirty-one times before answering.

"Obviously the traditional method would provide the safest and most natural route to parenthood. However," she added quickly when Sheldon put his chopsticks down in a huff, "as I find that process to be just as messy as you, I'm open to other options."

Sheldon felt a lump in his throat and tried to swallow it down. He had no idea what to say in a situation like this. What was the proper protocol? If he said yes, what then? He tried to picture the Cooper family sitting at the table he was at now with Amy across the way and a little Sheldon beside him. It didn't seem right. The picture was too fuzzy.

If he told her no, however, what would that mean? He remembered initialing the subparagraph in their marriage contract that outlined the parenting clause. Why did he initial that? He didn't even bring it up for negotiation.

Amy was still staring at him from across the polished card table on which they ate. He cleared his throat and picked up his chopsticks.

"Okay," was all he managed to say.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Sheldon's third and fourth memories can be found in their entirety on LadyHouston's page at Fanfiction under Big Bang Fun Kinky Time and The Locked Door Complication. Great appreciation goes to my co-author for allowing me such blatant theft- MM20

Amy sat in the waiting area of the fertility clinic observing the couples around her. Many held hands and wore hopeful expressions, a few sat with crossed arms and averted gazes as if separated by miles . One woman was alone muttering quietly to herself, perhaps in prayer? The magazines were a harmless selection of _Good Housekeeping_ , _Cosmopolitan_ , _TIME_ ; none of them from the maternity or parenting genre.

Briefly, Amy considered how she and Sheldon must appear to others in this room decorated in oranges and yellows. Were they recognized as the only two of a race of genetically superior beings? Were these people aware that Amy and Sheldon were trying to bring about a series of benevolent overlords? Or, did they see it all as a pathetic attempt at bandaging a union that was hemorrhaging what little affection there had initially been?

This was their fourth attempt. Amy could sense Sheldon's growing annoyance with the whole process(marriage?). He swore to develop a pill for this purpose that would allow men to ejaculate without having to masturbate ensuring a more efficient means of procreation. Amy had caught him rolling his eyes when she informed him that his sperm was needed once again.

"Didn't we just do this." He complained.

"We will do this every month until we achieve success." Amy reminded him. The two scientists opted to do everything at the clinic. Sheldon could have done his part at home and brought his contribution to the clinic but the thought of transporting such a parcel horrified him almost as much as the possibility that he and Amy would actually succeed.

Sheldon emerged from the back rooms. His hands were bright red from the vicious scrubbing and scalding water he used. There simply was not enough soap in the world to deal with this. Perhaps he should use gloves if there was a next time. He recalled Leonard's jibe about his being semi-pro, now he was confident that he'd earned professional status in this area. A glance at his watch revealed that 7 minutes had passed- three minutes shaved off his last attempt.

The first time, nerves had been the inhibitor and the magazines provided were more embarrassing than stimulating. The second time, Sheldon tried thinking of Amy, she being his wife and all, but that proved fruitless to the goal. He then thought of the smell of new comic books which he always found exciting, then Higgs boson particles and electron wave patterns found in broken Cheesecake Factory crockery which brought him to ancient Greece and the agora where he pointed out planetae to the woman strolling beside him. A woman he refused to look at but whose vanilla-floral scent aroused him and whose small hand in his provided just enough warmth for release.

The third time, he managed to accomplish the deed in ten minutes though not without considerable guilt. His focus should have been on Amy and their potential offspring. Instead, his perfect recall brought back a much-missed laundry room, a coat hanger fencing match and an intensely carnal act on washing machines that employed balancing skills he didn't know he had.

As he saw Amy waiting patiently for him this time, the guilt returned. He had read over the marriage contract in the hopes that there would be some loophole in the procreation sub-clause but it was a tribute to his and his wife's intelligence that the section was airtight.

"That didn't take long." Amy greeted. "You are improving in expediting the process." Sheldon didn't reply so she continued speaking. "From a neuroscience stand point, it would be interesting to learn if this is because your mind is demonstrating a learning curve or because there has been a change in your choice of stimuli?"

Sheldon looked down at his wife. Did she think she could lure him into a discussion of his fantasies by cloaking it in the guise of scientific discoveries? He would never reveal something so personal to her.

"I did shave three minutes off my time." Sheldon offered.

"Interesting. How?" Amy inquired. Sheldon pulled the package out of his messenger bag.

"Red Vines." He revealed, leaving out that all it took was the scent of Red Vines and the image of blond hair falling into desire -filled green eyes.

XXXX

Amy lay in her twin bed in the darkness. Her hands were crossed over her abdomen.

"Sheldon, it's not working." _Sheldon, it's not working_

"Amy, you'll have to be more specific." His disembodied voice replied. She closed her eyes actually wishing she could feel him beside her to garner some comfort but he was on the other side of the room with a nightstand between them.

"The intrauterine insemination didn't work this month." Amy's voice was patient. Sheldon took a moment to answer; a curious feeling was going through him. Was it relief?

"Oh," He said after a minute. "We'll try again next month." He hoped Amy would think that was comforting.

Amy did not. Sheldon wasn't the one who had to take pills, have blood drawn then endure an _internal_ ultrasound. She wouldn't let her husband near that part of her and , now, it seemed that was the only part of which she was comprised. Sheldon didn't get to feel that there was something inherently wrong with him every month.

"Dr. Alder suggested we try more traditional routes. He said being relaxed could aid in conception and, sometimes, a clinical approach is actually more unsettling." There was a pause then the two of them laughed.

"Dr. Alder doesn't understand whom he is counseling." Sheldon commented.

"Indeed." Amy agreed.

XXXX

Sheldon came into 4A with Raj shoving him along.

"Will you please refrain from prodding me as if I were a wayward sheep." Sheldon barked at him. Leonard and Howard were already there. Sheldon settled into his spot and instantly, two layers of tension lines disappeared from his face.

"Leonard," Sheldon nestled himself more into the cushion. "would you please explain to me why I had to be here on a Thursday much to my wife's chagrin and why it was necessary for me to wear the ill-fated chancellor's suit much to my chagrin."

Leonard grinned at Sheldon while Howard bounced up to stand next Raj in front of the apartment door.

"All in good time , Sheldon." Leonard sipped some water. "First of all, I do not care about your chagrin and, as for your wife's? Not even on my radar. Second, clearly your marriage has had a more detrimental effect on you in the past ten months than I realized. Have you forgotten what today is?"

Sheldon rested his hands on his knees and thought. "It's Anything Can Happen Thursday." He gasped.

"That's right." Howard was practically jumping up and down.

"To answer your third question," Raj cut in. "You are dressed that way because we are going to the Florentine for dinner."

Sheldon screwed up his face. "The Florentine? We haven't been there in almost two years. Since Penny left. It's her favorite restaurant."

"Yes it is." Leonard confirmed while nodding at Howard and Raj. The other two stepped away from the door and Sheldon heard a voice.

"What up, Moonpie?"

Good Lord! Penny!

She stood in the doorway, a fallen golden idol. Her leopard print dress draped over her shimmering in the light. Her hair waved in gold and honey around her face.

She only had eyes for Sheldon.

Satisfaction filled her as his eyes traveled over her once, twice, three times. Finally, they landed on her Prada boots- a reward to herself for landing the second lead in a Broadway show. They had been ridiculously expensive but, when Penny saw Sheldon give his lips a nervous lick at the sight of them, she knew they had been worth every one of their seven hundred and fifty dollars.

Sheldon stood up and tugged at the knot in his tie.

"Love the suit." Penny winked at him.

"I don't think this is a good idea." Sheldon whispered to Leonard.

"Relax, Sheldon." Leonard waved him off. "What's a little dinner between old friends."

Sheldon was recalling the "heated" discussion he had with Amy that morning.

"We agreed you would only see your friends on Sundays and Wednesdays especially since we are engaged in our current project." Amy crossed her fork and knife on her plate, a sure sign she was angry.

"I understand, Amy, about the breach in contract but Leonard has invoked the favor clause. He says I must join them for dinner tonight."

"Why?"

Sheldon shrugged and picked up his garment bag with the black suit. "I honestly don't know but whatever it is requires I wear this particular suit. I hope I don't have to give a speech." He chewed on his bottom lip.

"Very well. You may go." Amy rose from the breakfast table. "but you have earned yourself two strikes for this."

"Drat."

Now, standing in Leonard's living room with his eyes melting into Penny's., Sheldon honestly didn't care about the strikes any more. His phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and saw Amy's number on the screen.

"Ready to go, Sheldon?" Penny held a hand out to him.

"Yes." Sheldon said solemnly as he switched off his phone an followed her out the door.

XXXX

Sheldon looked around the table. The realization that he missed all of them and the meals they shared overwhelmed him. Penny was seated to his right; Leonard was talking about a recent experiment that went amusingly awry. Penny clapped her hands in delight just like she had the night Sheldon had taught her how one does get underwear around a telephone wire. Leonard had come home just as Penny had slung the third pair of Leonard's boxers around the wire. Sheldon grabbed her hand and they ran to the roof with Leonard's shouts following them. He'd kissed Penny for the first time that night. Did she remember?

The only time Sheldon's eyes had left her tonight was when he had to study the menu. Once Penny had become settled in New York, the first thing she missed was Sheldon's eyes. She would feel like she had left her apartment without her pants or her right arm as she walked the avenues of the city without the weight of his stare on her. She looked up now- her eyes locked with his.

Do you want me, Sheldon?, she telegraphed with her sea-green gaze. Do you miss me?

He broke the stare to take in the veneer of black leather on her left leg. His eyes bore into hers again. Sheldon lifted his water glass for a sip while giving a nod so tiny , it was perceptible only to her.

XXXX

"So, Penny," Sheldon put down his fork. "How long are you in town?"

"I leave tomorrow." She sipped her wine. "I was just here to do a reading for a director who _only_ works on the West Coast and I thought I would squeeze in a visit."

"Tomorrow! You just got here." Sheldon cried.

"Actually, she's been here since Tuesday." Howard volunteered. "We picked her up at the airport."

"Tuesday!" Why wasn't I informed?" Sheldon's eyes were wide.

"You're the one with all the new rules about when you can and can't get phone calls and when you are allowed to see us. Penny let me know Tuesday morning about her arrival but that fell on one of your "blackout days" so I couldn't tell you." Leonard explained.

Sheldon fumed in his chair. "Why didn't you notify me of your visit?" He spat at Penny.

"Do I really need to remind you of our very last conversation?" She clucked her tongue.

"Conversation?" Leonard muttered. "More like a cage match." Penny and Sheldon gave him identical glares; Raj was whispering to Howard.

"Just to be clear," Howard translated. "Are you referring to the discussion" Howard used finger quotes on that word. "which resulted in the dismembering of a Care Bear and the destruction of one Batman cookie jar?"

"That's the one." Leonard grinned, popping apiece of asparagus in his mouth. Raj shuddered at the memory.

"I see." Sheldon pushed his chair away from the table. "Obviously, my presence wasn't really required here this evening. Once again, I was misled by false pretenses." He rose from the table. "Penny, I wish you a safe flight back to New York. Leonard, please let me know my share of the bill. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get myself a ride home." He walked stiffly out of the restaurant.

"Why didn't you tell him I was coming?" Penny hissed at Leonard.

"Because if I did, he probably wouldn't have shown up. You know how he is."

"Oh, Leonard." Penny shook her head. "Let me see if I can catch him so we can at least have dessert together." She scurried after Sheldon. The other three watched her leave before turning back to each other.

"A toast, gentlemen." Raj raised his glass.

"To a plan flawlessly executed." Leonard declared.

"Amen." said Howard.


	4. Chapter 4

Penny found Sheldon standing outside the restaurant. "Is Amy coming to get you?" She asked.

"No. Her eyesight is not very good at night. I'm going to call a cab."

"No you're not." Penny told him, reaching out to touch his arm. "Come back inside."

Sheldon stepped farther away from her. "No thank you. I would prefer to leave. It is clear I am not wanted here." Penny walked over to him and threaded her arm through his.

"Then, I'll drive you home."

XXXX

"I don't know why I agreed to this," Sheldon complained into his glass of sherry.

Penny raised her eyebrow as she sipped on her drink.

"Because you need to relax a little. You've been on edge all evening." It seemed he'd been on edge a lot longer than that. She noticed throughout the night that he was stooping a bit more than he used to and a few worry lines were beginning to form on his forehead.

"I wonder why," Sheldon muttered before taking a sip of wine. There was an uncomfortable pause while they both remembered that night. Penny downed the rest of her whisky and turned to her companion.

"Sarcasm?" She asked with a slight smile.

Sheldon gave her a genuine, if somewhat sad smile in return. "Bazinga."

Penny's chuckled died down and the air was filled with electric silence. She ordered another drink, hoping to break the tension.

"So, what's been going on with you? How's Amy?" She glanced down at the dulled ring on his left hand. It looked so foreign on his long fingers. She wouldn't have gone with gold. It brought outthe yellow undertones inhis skin.

"We've been trying for a baby," Sheldon said in his matter-of-fact tone. Penny tried not to spit her drink this time.

"Oh? And how's that going?"

"Not well," he answered looking down as he swirled the wine in his glass. "Apparently attempting to procreate by artificial means is more difficult than we originally expected."

Penny didn't ask whether or not he and Amy have tried more traditional techniques. She already knew the answer. She watched as Sheldon ran his finger around the edge of his glass and she remembered the way he used those long fingers on her. Images flashed in her mind of the nights when she taught him how to do things, and he showed her just how fast he learned.

She took a long drink from her new glass and tried to change the subject.

"Well, I've been doing pretty good with the whole acting thing. I recently got a minor role in _West Side Story_ on Broadway and I recently got a callback for a role on _Law & Order_. And not as a hooker!" She gave him a wide-mouthed fake surprised look and then smiled.

"I see those acting lessons have paid off then," Sheldon remarked.

"I'd like to think some of it was natural talent."

"Doubtful. As I recall, your starring role in _Rent_ ended with a smaller audience than that with which it began. Your singing alone was enough for me to hire an actor to play my cousin just to keep from hearing you."

"Hey!" Penny whined, playfully pushing his arm. "You're the one who always wanted me to sing Soft Kitty."

Sheldon gave her a silly grin. "Yes. It seems when I'm sick, I'm not completely in control of all of my senses."

A breathy laugh escaped his lips and she laughed back, happy that he seemed to be loosening up. They talked about Penny's career, Leonard's new experiment that he was now taking from Japanese physicists, science, movies, everything but Sheldon's marriage and the night he and Penny last spoke.

The sounds of the hotel bar were muted just like the piano music that filled the air. Penny's whiskey and soda matched the glowing wood of the bar. A whiff of her perfume filled Sheldon's nose. The memory of the first time he smelled that particular scent took over to a time when his face was buried in the space under her ear as he rocked into her and she guided his hips with her hands to control his pace.

"Why are you blushing?" The ice in her glass chimed lightly.

"Your perfume." was all Sheldon could manage.

Penny remembered then. Remembered with Sheldon-like precision the first time they had made love. The usually graceful and confident Sheldon Cooper fumbled everything in his eagerness and uncertainty. The arousal that had been simmering in her all night flowed through her. Sheldon was the best kisser. Number thirty -two had certainly been worth the wait. Penny decide that his response to her boots wasn't enough. They had never had a goodbye kiss(hell, they hadn't even said goodbye to each other). She leaned toward him but Sheldon's nerves had caused him to start talking again

While he talked about Raj and Howard's blatant homosexual antics, she laughed and he watched her as her chest moved up and down. He tried not to let it bother him when she crossed her right leg over her left, the tip of her boot grazing his calf.

"I think it's time for me to go home," Sheldon breathed.

Penny snapped out of a daze. She nodded, grabbed her keys, slid off the bar and walked toward the door.

"Penny." A hand on her shoulder stopped her mid-stride, halting her thoughts of deliberately swinging her hips to see if Sheldon noticed.

"I don't think it's wise for you to drive."

XXXX

He was supposed to take a cab straight home. Instead, they ended up in her room. In her bed.

Penny's head hit the pillow and she could still feel the humming of his kisses on her lips. An alarm went off in the back of her head telling her they shouldn't be doing this, but the third tumbler of whisky and soda did a good job of silencing her conscience. She fell back into the moment when Sheldon collapsed on top of her. The bed that bounced under his weight and his teeth which tugged at her ear demanded her full attention as she steadied his waist with her knees. A trail of kisses landed on her jaw, down her neck, and over her collar bone creating a shiver down her spine. He kissed her quickly and desperately as if he would completely consume her with his gentle lips.

He started to tug at the strap on her dress, but Penny grabbed his hand and quietly removed it. She arched her back, pressing her chest into his. Reaching around, she unzipped her dress and he frantically attempted to help her slide it down over her boots. He threw off his jacket and loosened his tie, excited at the sight of her in her bright clashing orange and pink underwear. Sheldon began his kisses again, this time starting at her lips. His mouth was soft, but forceful, already open. He passionately licked her lips, eager to gain access. Once again, he trailed his kisses down her jaw and neck and hurriedly grazed his lips in a line down her stomach.

He began impatiently kissing her thigh, as if he were trying to leave a permanent imprint of his lips on her skin. When he got to the top of her boots, Penny reached down to unzip them, but Sheldon stopped her with his hand.

"Wait," he whispered between heavy breaths.

Great, Penny thought. She was lying beneath Sheldon Cooper in nothing but her underwear and boots, and he wants to stop now? She glared at him and his eyes fell to her right boot which was currently sitting on his left shoulder.

"I was hoping…It's just…," the alcohol, at least Penny thought it was the alcohol, was starting to affect his speech. Sheldon looked back up at her, his blue eyes flashing.

"The rest can come off," he said more confidently. "Leave the boots on."

Her eyes went wide for a moment, but then a sinister grin found its way to her mouth. Who would have thought that Sheldon had such a wild side? Sheldon returned her grin with one of his own. He looked at her through lidded eyes and gave her a crooked smile, his collar up, his hair ruffled and his tie loosened. The sight of such a turned-on and masculine Sheldon sent jolts of excitement bolting around Penny's body. She grabbed his tie and pulled him into a deep and hungry kiss. Moans escaped from both of them as they devoured each other. Penny wanted every kiss to be the only kisses Sheldon would ever remember. Of course, with his eidetic memory, how could they be anything else?

Breaking the kiss and pushing Sheldon back, Penny watched him from beneath her eyelashes as she undid the clasp of her bra. Sheldon was studying her with the same intensity he had with his whiteboards when he helped her pull her panties down the length of the Prada boots. His hands spread over her chest and his long fingers wrapped around her shoulders as he pushed her back down into the bed.

His fingers brushed over her stomach raising goose bumps on her arms. She shivered in the pale light of the bedside lamp. Suddenly he left her and she felt naked for the first time. She watched as Sheldon frantically kicked off his shoes, whipped off his tie, unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. He fumbled with the belt buckle in haste, but finally managed to slip his pants and underwear down to the floor.

He was on top of her again and she reveled in the heat of his body on hers. She opened her legs and wrapped them around his waist and he entered her fast. She was already wet and had been since they were in the bar, so it didn't take long for them to work themselves into a rhythm. They rubbed together, frantically, as if they could start a fire with nothing but their bodies.

When he thrust into her again, she grabbed his shoulders and pushed him to her right. They flipped over, still joined and, when Penny landed on top, Sheldon let out a loud cry that mixed with her gasp. Their hips moved together in frenzied pace as if time was running out.

XXXX

It wasn't like Sheldon to let any detail escape his attention, but somehow at some point they ended up on the floor. The phone had been knocked off of the bedside, the table and the lampshade was askew, casting light and shadow in interesting and new angles.

He ran his tongue over her collarbone, between her breasts and down to her belly button. Years ago, he wouldn't have dreamed of doing this, but she tasted so sweet, sweeter than anything he'd ever tasted before, including Red Vines. His head swam with sensation, his thoughts were clouds that couldn't be grasped, couldn't be nailed down. They floated through his mind in a swirl of heat and desire.. Fingers entwined, Sheldon pushed her hands into the floor with his. He thrust deep inside of her, needing her to feel him, to remember this forever.

XXXX

They lay on their sides looking at each other. Heartbeats winding down and syncopating in rhythm. Sheldon stroked Penny's cheek with his thumb.

"Penny, what was this?"

"Closure, Moonpie."

"Closure?" Sheldon raised his eyebrows.

Penny shrugged. "Call it whatever you want. Closure. The Inevitable. The Epilogue"

"All those words signify something that has ended completely." Sheldon frowned.

"You're married, remember?." Penny kissed him deeply. When their lips separated, Sheldon raised himself up on his elbow, sheet around his waist. Penny marveled at his ease at being with her like this.

"Penny, I don't feel closure. This. You and me. These feelings- they've never gone away. Now that we've engaged in coi…" Her glower caused him to stop and change his word choice, "intercourse, has that happened for you?"

Penny threw her bare(save for the knee high black Prada boots)legs over his naked hips.

"Never." She said taking him as hers once again.

XXXX

Penny woke with the weight of Sheldon's leg across her hip. She felt sweaty and sticky and didn't mind at all. She tried to determine the time but, apparently, the clock had suffered the same fate as the telephone.

Penny was certain they had fallen asleep close to dawn. She wished for Sheldon's memory as she reviewed last night; some of the details blurred by alcohol. After a few minutes of recollection, Penny lost count of the things they had done to each other in this bed. And on the floor. And against the wall. It was like Sheldon had been starving. Not just for sex, though that was abundantly clear given the pleasant ache between her legs. He'd been hungry for warmth, affection, human touch. For her. Even now, he was practically fused to her back and had held her all night. A flick of tongue between her shoulder blades let her know Dr. Cooper was awake.

"Good morning." She whispered. Sheldon kept running his lips along the tops of her shoulders.

"Sheldon," Penny scolded lightly as his hand slipped between her legs. "Don't you think we should talk?" He only grew more insistent, finally turning her on her back.

His lips fell into the curve of her neck. How she had missed those hands! She felt the cool metal of his wedding band as he palmed her breast. It didn't upset her; it only caused her to realize that, had the two of them stopped to appreciate what they had instead of fighting, she wouldn't have fled to New York and he to another woman and this could have been hers forever. Penny arched into him. Sheldon moaned as he felt her warmth around him.

"Penny, stay."

Their pace was slower this time. Sheldon grabbed the headboard and thrust as deeply into her as he could. He locked eyes with Penny and she knew he was close. She reached up and pulled him to her.

"Come, Sheldon." She murmured against his lips. "Come with me."

XXXX

It was Amy's last message that did it. She read from section 8B of their contract which stated that either spouse had to give twenty-four hour notice if planning to be away from the domicile for longer than the normal workday. Sheldon listened but kept his eye on Penny. She, too, was engrossed in her email. At one point, her eyes widened with delight but she resumed a more neutral expression when she caught him watching her.

They ordered breakfast in but Sheldon just couldn't work up an enthusiasm for oatmeal today. They sat next to each other on the bed with an untouched tray of food resting across their laps.

"I can't stay." Penny finally said.

"I can't go." Sheldon replied.

"Seems we've reached the same impasse again." They joked in unison though neither laughed.

"I have a four o'clock flight. Check out is at eleven."

Sheldon looked at his watch; it was ten thirty. "Penny, I am at a loss as how to proceed."

Their fingers laced. "Stay with me, Sheldon. For as long as you can."

xxxx

Amy was coming out of the kitchen when Sheldon walked in the door. She wrinkled her nose.

"What is that smell?" She asked forgetting her anger at him for breaking at least six points in their contract if not more. Sheldon actually snickered.

"Are you drunk?" Amy was horrified.

"Not at all." Sheldon answered and Amy could see his eyes were crystal clear.

"Are you ill?" Her husband's cheeks were flushed and he seemed to be swaying to unheard music. A smile tugged at one corner of his mouth.

"Never better." Why wasn't he speaking in complete sentences? Where did that accent come from? Amy shook her head.

"Sheldon, where have you been? I deserve an explanation."

Sheldon took in Amy in her white high-necked, long sleeved nightgown that fell to the floor . How had he gone from being entwined with blond and black leather to being sniped at by someone who could have easily been part of his mother's church group? He snickered again.

"Amy, I was out with my friends. Now I am home and I am going to bed." As he climbed the stairs, he could feel the hickey from Penny blooming on the back of his right shoulder. Amy followed him up the stairs; her eyes fixed on a single long blond hair that clung to the back of Sheldon's suit jacket.


	5. Chapter 5

Leonard made his way to Sheldon's office. The physicist's door was open and he was reading at his desk.

"Hey, Buddy." Leonard leaned against the doorframe.

"Good morning, Leonard." Sheldon didn't look up.

Leonard failed at hiding his grin. Amy had called him after midnight on Thursday when Sheldon hadn't returned home. Leonard could certainly hypothesize about Sheldon's whereabouts but he didn't give her any information. He had hoped seeing Penny would bring Sheldon to his senses and make him reconsider his farce of a marriage. Though Leonard could tell Sheldon was not happy to see him, his friend looked better already. He had good color, the frown lines had faded from his forehead. Sheldon was wearing his red shirt with the single yellow lightning bolt on it- something Leonard hadn't seen in months.

"Did you enjoy seeing Penny?" Leonard asked feigning innocence.

Sheldon finally met his eyes, "No."

Leonard's eyes widened. "No?" He repeated. Sheldon came out from behind his desk. He leaned against the front of it and crossed his arms.

"Leonard, I can not fathom what your intentions were in orchestrating that little reunion but it only served to be detrimental to all involved. I have a wife,. Penny has a successful career 3,000 miles away and I now have to live with a very irate woman."

"Sheldon, I only wanted you to see what you're missing."

Sheldon's eyes burned like a gas flame; Leonard actually stepped back.

"Are you under the impression that there is a day that goes by when I am **not** aware of what I am missing?" His accent only enhanced the ferocity of his tone. "You seem to have forgotten that Penny is the one who left."

"Because you drove her away!" Leonard pointed out.

"That is not true." Sheldon protested. "We…I…it was…"

"The problem was the two of you were too stubborn to admit how you felt even though you'd been sleeping together for at least a month as far as I could tell.."

Sheldon's mouth fell open. "You knew?"

"You weren't the only genius living in that apartment." Leonard snapped.

Sheldon pinched the bridge of his nose. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Penny. Felt Penny. Tasted Penny. Whenever he opened them. he found Amy glaring at him. "Leonard, I've made commitments to Amy. I'll thank you to not make any further attempts to sabotage my marriage. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

Leonard began to reply but Sheldon had place himself back in his desk chair and turned away.

XXXX

_18 months later_

Sheldon came into the kitchen , carrying his recent comic book purchase. He stopped short when he saw the series of syringes laid out on the kitchen table. Amy came up behind him.

"You're finally home."

"Yes." Sheldon moved into the kitchen so she could enter as well. "Amy, what is that." He pointed with a long finger and his right eye began to twitch.

"Progesterone." Amy said curtly.

"And why is it in our kitchen."

Amy looked up at her husband. His eye fluttered wildly and he clutched the white plastic bag to his chest.

"I saw Dr. Alder today. While we can continue intrauterine insemination if we like, however, our best chance of obtaining a baby is invitro fertilizationF. It will be necessary for me to inject progesterone nightly in order to facilitate the harvesting of healthy ovum without compromising my body's readiness for conception."

Sheldon breathed through his nose; he could not faint now. Amy was still speaking.

"It is critical that the injection be administered at the same time and in the right location. I could do it myself but that would alter the angle of entry some so you will have to do it."

Sheldon fought off the swirls of black in his vision. It wasn't just the needles(horrifying as they might be) that upset him. It was Amy's determination to bring a child into this marriage that decayed more and more every day. He couldn't stomach the thought of adding another victim to the wreckage.

"No."

Amy's eyebrows shot up. "No? What do you mean 'no'?"

Sheldon squared his shoulders. "The statement speaks for itself. I will not be administering those injections."

"Why not?" She peered over her glasses. "If you recall , this was our actually our original plan for procreation. Now you seem to find it distasteful."

Sheldon took her in-overwhelmingly intelligent, fastidious, determined- all qualities he admired yet she left him cold.

"It's true." Sheldon answered. "I abhor needles." He placed his comic books down. "Amy, I think we need to re-evaluate this endeavor."

"Sheldon, this is pure science. Your first love."

He stopped in his answer as a flicker of blond hair flashed in his mind.

"That is true but every scientist knows when an experiment reaches a dead end." Their eyes met. The two of them far too intelligent to ignore the subtext of his words.

"When that happens," Sheldon continued. "The experiment must either be re-evaluated and restructured or discontinued."

Amy lifted up her chin. "I do not believe we've reached that point."

"I respectfully disagree." Sheldon crossed his arms. "Masturbating into a cup is not an ideal use of my mornings. I wouldn't do it for money and I will most certainly not do it for…" He stopped suddenly, sensing he'd gone too far. The last time he ignored that feeling, he had lost everything including his favorite cookie jar.

"I believe the word you are looking for is 'you'." Amy's voice could have frosted the windows. Sheldon swallowed and looked away. Amy eyes flicked to clock.

"Sheldon, you're going to miss _Dr. Who_ if this discussion continues."

He walked out of the kitchen to the living room that, in almost two years, had yet to provide "his spot." He turned on the TV and gazed blankly at the screen.

In the kitchen, seven broken syringes landed in the trash.

XXXX

Beatrice Fowler slid the sweaters along the rack but nothing caught her eye except her daughter who stared helplessly at the clothes before her.

"Amy," She finally said. "What exactly are we doing?"

"Shopping, Mother. A common past time of the American female, probably developed to replace the gathering instinct lost through evolution."

Beatrice stared at her child before she resumed speaking. "I meant, what are we doing shopping together?"

"Oh." Amy picked up a sparkly mauve sweater, frowned at it then returned it to the rack. "Next time , be more specific. This seemed like an excellent opportunity for us to strengthen the bond in the filial-maternal relationship and to discuss matters of a personal nature." Her mother shook her head. Ever since Amy married Sheldon, her manner of speaking had grown even more obscure and convoluted. It must take the two of them hours to say "pass the salt." She snorted at her own whit.

"Is something amusing about the cardigans, Mother?"

"Not at all dear. What is it you wanted to discuss?"

Amy paused to form her thoughts. She wasn't shy but there was an instinctual reserve to broaching her desired topic with her mother. This was probably why her mother insisted Amy cultivate friendships with the vapid females she was forced to endure in Girl Scouts and one failed year of tap lessons. She was also trying to understand the difference between a shirt with a tag which read "ruby" in comparison with one whose tag read "claret". She never did understand color.

"As you know, Sheldon and I are trying to procreate without much success."

Mrs. Fowler wrinkled her nose- she did not approve of the young couple's clinical approach to parenthood.

"Sheldon appears to be growing increasingly frustrated and restless."

"These things take time, Amy." Her mother muttered.

"I believe his unhappiness stems less from our failure to conceive and more with the marriage itself."

"Amy," Her mother looked her in the eye. "How can you tell if Sheldon is unhappy, happy or has a rock in his shoe? He has all the affect of a lamppost."

"That is not true, Mother. Sheldon is or **was** very expressive." Amy remembered when she had once gone to meet Sheldon at the Cheesecake Factory. He was seated with his three friends, talking animatedly. She had also seen how his eyes lit up when Penny approached the table, something they never did with her. "Furthermore, I am his wife; I can tell."

"He's probably still adjusting to the changes of marriage. He has responsibilities now- a home, a wife, potential fatherhood. For years, Sheldon only had to think of himself." Her mother counseled. They had strolled over to the shoe department's vast rows of clearance.

"I believe if we were to be successful," Amy admired a pair of brown tie shoes. "Sheldon would not feel such upheaval and become more connected to the marriage. It may be time to engage in coitus since studies have shown that not only does intercourse have a higher success rate of fertilization of the ovum, but the mutual release of endorphins and exchange of bodily fluids creates the chemical dopamine in the body producing a perceived bond between those involved."

Beatrice put down a pair of sandals. She really didn't want to continue this conversation but she knew Amy had no one else to confide in. "You mean the two of you have never…" Amy looked at her blankly.

"Never what?"

"Had sex!" Her mother exclaimed.

"Not with each other."

Beatrice sat down heavily in one of the chairs in the shoe department. A clerk asked her if she needed some water to which she agreed. No mother should have to discuss these matters with her daughter but she could tell Amy was hurting. When the clerk left her with a cup, she took a deep breath and soldiered on.

"Does that mean you've had sex with other people?"

"Mother, you know I have partaken in experiments which stimulate the brain to bring on…"

"Amy , Please!" Her mother looked around to ensure no one was listening. "I don't want to talk about that . What about Sheldon?"

"He's engaged in coitus with only one other person." Amy told her conveniently omitting that his most recent foray with said person had been about a year ago.

"Do you know who it was?"

At that, Amy's reserved demeanor slipped a bit. She took off her glasses and cleaned them. She sat quietly, staring at the plain gold band on her left hand.

"Penny." She whispered.

Beatrice Fowler felt as if someone had filled her veins with ice water. She recalled seeing Sheldon and that waitress together when he and Amy had started dating. Their attraction to each other radiated between them like the sun. Then , Sheldon and Amy's relationship had ended abruptly before he suddenly reappeared on their doorstep almost a year later. An unpleasant realization about the impetus of her daughter's unexpected(and, frankly, unbelievable) marriage was growing in her mind. She stood up, pulling Amy along with her.

"C'mon. It is time to do some real shopping." Beatrice dragged her daughter into the mall straight toward _Victoria's Secret_.

XXXX

The house was quiet and dark, not all that unusual for the Fowler-Cooper household. Sheldon put his shoulder bag next to the door and his keys in the bowl.

"Amy?" he called.

When they first moved to in together, Sheldon often came home to find Amy in her office, researching or working on publishing material. Lately, however, he had come home to find her at the door greeting him over enthusiastically, like a new puppy. Although he was relieved that she wasn't there smothering him, his Spidey sense told him that something was wrong.

He slowly made his way up the stairs calling her name and receiving no answer. His sharp ears picked up a small noise in the bedroom. Sheldon grabbed the vase off of the landing table and crept toward the bedroom door. With unmatched speed, he jumped around the door frame and held the vase high in the air, ready to bring it down on some unsuspecting intruder's head. Instead, the vase tumbled from his hand to the floor, the tan carpet softening the fall.

Amy sat awkwardly on her knees, her chest pointed out and her hips out suggestively. She wore a cream colored satin baby-doll with matching lace skirt and high heels. The twin beds had been pushed together and Amy knelt in the middle, looking as if she were a failed lingerie model. Her hair was up and falling around her face and her glasses lay on the bedside table.

"Sheldon? I'm afraid my myopia prevents me from seeing your face without my eyewear. Are you surprised?"

Sheldon covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath. He had no idea what social situation this fell under and had no clue how to react. So he asked the only question he knew how to ask.

"Why?"

"The curvature of the lenses bends the light causing my eyes to reinterpret images differently which helps me to see more clearly. Although you don't wear corrective lenses, I would have thought you'd know that."

Sheldon dropped his hands and sighed.

"No," he said, drawing out the 'o'. "Why are you sitting like that? Why are our beds like that? Why are you wearing…that?"

"Using artificial means to create a baby is not working for us. We've tried intrauterine insemination. You refuse to use in vitro fertilization. There's only one option left for us. Although it states in our contract that we are not to engage in coitus, you have already broken several clauses of our agreement, so I assumed the entire thing was null and void. Therefore, I have taken steps to ensure your arousal for traditional procreation methods."

Amy sat up higher and wiggled her eyebrows. She wasn't ugly by any means. She had a nice shape and with her hair up and her multitude of frumpy clothing gone, she was certainly pretty by western standards. But Sheldon wasn't aroused. She was too short, her hair was too straight, her eyes were too brown. She wasn't _her_.

Sheldon walked over to the beds and sat on the edge.

"I can't do this," he said simply.

Silence fell over the room, dark and ugly silence.

"Very well," Amy said after a moment and moved to pull her bathrobe tightly over her body. She grabbed her glasses and walked quickly into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind her.

Sheldon sat for a few more moments, the last five minutes playing in his head over and over again.

_I can't do this._

With a sigh, Sheldon stood up and pushed the two beds back into place before walking downstairs to make dinner. He didn't see Amy again for the rest of the night.

XXXX

The cafeteria at Caltech was crowded. Leonard trudged toward the table where his friends sat. As he approached, Raj and Howard were bickering as usual about some perceived slight by Raj perpetrated by Howard.

"All I am saying is that you could have called."

"What am I, your manbitch? The sweet scent of female pheromones were in the air. It was only natural that I should take action."

"So you went to the bar and left me to watch Green Lantern Three alone. By myself." Raj huffed and crossed his arms, turning his body away from Howard.

Leonard sighed. Those two should just get a room and be done with it. He remembered how much calmer life became once Penny and Sheldon had started sleeping together. It was the same feeling that occurs once the strawberry seed that's been stuck between two molars finally frees itself. They still bickered but it had developed a different tone and half the time, they smiled at each other through the whole scuffle. Raj and Howard needed the same paradigm shift.

Sheldon was reading a comic book. He was beginning to get permanent frown lines at the corners of his mouth. He and Amy had put any further attempts to have a child on hold. Sheldon had confessed to Leonard that it was probably for the best- he and Amy just weren't programmed to be nurturing and self-sacrificing; they could barely manage it with each other. Leonard glanced at the clock. Any minute now.

"Hey, guys." He greeted, placing down his tray. Raj and Howard said hello. Sheldon said nothing. He'd grown quieter and quieter since his marriage.

"Leonard do you think you can settle this argument?" Raj began. "Howard is always leaving on some quest for-"

"Hang on a second." Leonard interrupted. "How ya doin', Sheldon?"

The physicist gave him a slow look before turning back to The Flash. He shrugged his cardigan -clad shoulders as if they itched.

"I'm fine, Leonard." He murmured. Leonard felt a pang of sympathy before turning his attention back to Raj.

Sheldon suddenly jumped and moved to get his phone. He cradled it with his long fingers to peer at the screen. Leonard watched out of the corner of his eye. Sheldon's eyes brightened as he read his incoming message; he began texting his response. When he finished he looked up at them, a smile playing about his mouth and eyes.

"Penny's in town." Sheldon announced. "She wants to see me after work at your apartment." Leonard wished for a camera just to capture this long absent expression.

"When did she arrive?" Raj asked.

"She doesn't say." Sheldon replied. "Leonard, do you know?"

"Yesterday." Leonard munched on his sandwich. "She's staying with me."

"That must have been a surprise." Howard commented. Sheldon had resumed texting, his smile growing with each keystroke.

"You have no idea." Leonard told him.

XXXX

Sheldon bound up the stairs to 4A. He couldn't wait to see Penny, talk to her, smell her. He reached the first landing when it hit him how badly he just wanted to hold her. With each step, Sheldon made a decision. He wasn't leaving here tonight. Another flight of stairs made him resolve to never set foot in that brownstone again. Sheldon reached the final flight of stairs. He took a deep breath. This time, when Penny returned to New York, he would go with her. It would be easy enough. He would telecommute, get an annulment since his "marriage " had never been consummated. A wide smile crossed his face as he reached for the doorknob. Nothing would ever separate him from Penny ever again.

He burst into Leonard's apartment. Penny was standing there but it wasn't the same Penny he'd seen a year and a half ago. She was painfully thin, almost gaunt. Her head- _Oh, God! Her hair!-_ was covered by a flamboyant purple paisley scarf. Sheldon had longed to bury his face in her curls again, to feel the softness of it twine through his fingers. Still, she had that same brilliant smile but it only enhanced the dark circles under her eyes. His mouth had gone dry.

"Hey, Moonpie."

"I'm going to leave you two alone." Leonard had finally caught up with Sheldon's mad dash only to turn around and leave once again. "There's a lot of ground to cover."

Sheldon didn't even notice Leonard had left. His eyes had drifted over Penny's skeletal frame . How had she managed a six hour flight in this condition? Why hadn't she called him? Why hadn't _he_ called _her_? What was wrong with the two of them that they could never seem to get out of their own way enough to connect the way they should? All his questions died on his lips when his gaze drifted to the object on the floor next to her.

He walked from the doorway and knelt in front of the infant car seat carrier. The baby inside was sleeping; Sheldon extended his index finger to lift up the tiny hand. He studied it. He'd never seen such perfection personified- in equations and theories, yes but in a person, no. The baby had no flaws, her skin was smooth but her face wore a tiny frown in sleep that was absolutely stomach-twisting in its familiarity. Sheldon considered how one night(and half a day) of passion had resulted in this when almost two years of carefully measured, precise, _scientific_ attempts at procreation had yielded nothing. Perhaps, there was something to the role of love in all of this. The baby opened one cobalt eye before drifting off to sleep again.

"Her name is Alexis." Penny said. "She's…"

Sheldon looked up at Penny, his face still white with shock, "Oh, I know _exactly_ who she is."


	6. Chapter 6

They sat on the couch watching the baby sleep.

"Were you sick when I last saw you?"

"No." Penny replied. "I'd had a lump removed before I came to visit. When I got back to New York, I had to go for a scan a few months later. By then I knew I was pregnant." Her voice trailed off. "So, I made a decision." She finished strongly. "By the time I could resume treatments, it was too late."

"How long?" Sheldon whispered.

Penny put her hand in the crook of his elbow and looked at her baby. "Not long at all."

Sheldon stood up and crossed his arms. "Forgive me, Penny, what is it you expect me to do here?"

"Sheldon, I know she is only eight months old but she's really smart. She's not talking but she can point to all the letters of the alphabet and her colors."

Sheldon covered his eyes with his hand; the gold circle on his ring finger caught the light.

"Penny, how am I supposed to explain to…"

"Don't, Sheldon." Penny interrupted. "It kills me more than this damn cancer to know _that woman_ will be part of her upbringing." She walked over to the physicist. "Nebraska won't be able to give her what she needs. You will."

Sheldon pressed his forehead to Penny's. Her skin was cool and papery. "Of course." He said.

XXXX

Amy was pretending to read in the living room when Sheldon came home. He went straight upstairs. She followed him and found him moving from the dresser to the suitcase on the bed with quick movements.

"What are you doing?"

"Packing."

"I can see that." Amy replied. "Why are you packing?"

Sheldon stopped. "That's an entirely different question. Penny is back."

"What does that mean? Are you leaving me?" Amy almost couldn't get the words out. Sheldon put a few more of his comic book shirts into the suitcase. He rearranged the contents as he answered his wife.

"She's sick, Amy. Dying, actually. I'm going to take care of her."

Amy's head was spinning. Nothing Sheldon was saying made any sense.

"You…you can't leave." She stammered. "We're married. We have contracts!"

"Contracts which you deemed null and void two days ago," Sheldon reminded her. "Not that they would have any bearing in this situation at all." Sheldon closed the bag and pulled it off the bed. He headed for the door that Amy was blocking.

"Let me go, Amy."

His voice was very soft but his mouth had a determined set to it. Still, she held her ground. He towered over her for a moment, then pushed her gently aside and walked out.

XXXX

Amy's mother placed her cup of coffee on the saucer. She noticed there was a hairline crack in it. This was her mother's heirloom wedding china. She huffed in annoyance.

"Amy," she sighed. "Please explain this situation to me again."

Amy sipped her tepid water. "Mother, it's not difficult. Sheldon is not here because he is taking care of Penny."

"And you just let him _go_?" Her mother was incredulous.

"How do you propose I should have stopped him, Mother? It is a little difficult to build an effective argument that doesn't get trumped by the fact that someone is _**dying**_."

"Nonsense!" Her mother scoffed. "Sheldon is _your_ husband not some bimbo's nursemaid."

"Mother! Show a little respect."

Why should I? What respect has he shown to you? To his commitments?"

Amy scraped at the uneaten apple pie on her plate. "I would think," Amy began slowly. "that Sheldon is actually demonstrating an extremely high level of commitment. Granted, I am not pleased with his methodology but I can't help but admire his intent."

Mrs. Fowler sat there, mouth twitching until Amy finished speaking.

Are you insane!" She burst out. "Your husband left you for another woman and your blathering about mythology and the nobility of his actions?"

"Methodology." Amy corrected

Her mother tossed her a scathing look. "You should either drag him home or divorce him."

"Divorce him?" Amy blinked.

"What else can you do?" He r mother spread her arms. "Wait here until he decides to come home and pick up as if nothing happened?"

Amy resumed scraping her apple pie.

"Let me tell you, young lady," Mrs. Fowler tapped the table with her index finger. "Your father, God rest him, would never have pulled a stunt like this because he knew he'd be headed straight for divorce court."

Amy considered her mother's advice and , if she didn't love Sheldon, she may have actually taken it.

XXXX

Penny rallied for two months. She gained weight from Mrs. Wolowitz's constant care packages of brisket with sides of roasted potatoes and carrots followed by her cinnamon coffee cake.

"You look good." Leonard told her.

"It helps that I'm not pumping poison into my body." Penny said lightly as she sliced another piece of cake.

Her hair grew back- soft platinum ringlets covered her head.

"Sheldon, do I look like a Kewpie doll?" She asked one night during Star Trek. Sheldon looked down at the golden head nestled onto his chest.

"More like a poodle." He replied earning himself a punch in the ribs.

XXXX

Penny sat at one of the little tables near the ice cream stand, playing peek-a-boo with Alexis. The sun caught the baby's eyes and , just for a second, Penny saw the thin ring of green riming the pupils before it blended with the blue depths once more.

Alexis pointed to Penny's nose. "Nose." Penny said.

Even being with Sheldon this past month , Penny saw a noticeable difference in their daughter. Sheldon's incessant talking actually benefited someone for once.

"What an adorable baby." Penny turned to see an elderly woman sitting next to her. "My grandchildren are all grown and I do love babies."

"That's too bad." Penny sympathized while scanning the crowd at the stand for Sheldon.

"Such beautiful eyes." The woman commented and reached a gnarled finger out to Alexis who gave her a one tooth smile. "How old is she?"

"Nine months." Penny grimaced as Alexis began bouncing up and down in her lap when she had caught sight of Sheldon approaching.

"I will never understand why it is so hard to create the correct formation of soft-serve especially when the machine does it for you." He griped.

"That's what took you so long?" Penny cried while Alexis dove for the ice cream in Sheldon's hand. He took the baby and handed Penny her cone.

"Hello." Sheldon noticed the old woman who had made her way over to him.

"I see she has Daddy's eyes." The woman smiled at Penny; Alexis stuck her tongue in Sheldon's ice cream causing him to frown.

"No, no." He scolded gently.

"You have a beautiful family, young man. See that you cherish them." She gave Sheldon's arm a pat and hobbled away.

Sheldon and Penny murmured their thanks. Penny was concentrating on her cone when she noticed Sheldon's intense stare.

"What?" A drop of ice cream fell on her thigh.

Sheldon had given up the fight with Alexis over exactly whose ice cream cone this was. She sat on his right thigh while his left hand held the treat for her. Ice cream melted all over his hand , slipping between his fingers and coating his wedding band.

"I love you." He kissed his daughter's forehead but his eyes never left Penny.

XXXX

They took long walks with Alexis strapped in her baby carrier. Penny would lift her face to the sun to soak in every last drop of warmth. Sheldon explained the scientific names of the trees and flowers to Alexis who appeared to be nodding with understanding. As Penny and Sheldon walked along, holding hands, Alexis looked up and touched his chin.

"DA-dee." She said.

"Sheldon! Did you hear that? She just said her first word." Penny was beaming and Sheldon was equally surprised.

"It may have just been a random utterance."

"Alexis," Penny addressed the child strapped to Sheldon's chest. "Who is this?"

"Da-ddy" The baby replied more clearly.

"Told ya she was smart." Penny said.

They walked in silence for a bit. "I'm glad she said Daddy and that she hasn't said Mommy yet. It'll make it easier." Penny said.

Sheldon said nothing; the setting sun was in his eyes.

"What do you want me to tell her?" He finally said.

Penny tightened her grip on Sheldon's hand. He never shied away from the unpleasant conversations. Penny didn't know how he was dealing with all this but she was grateful that he would let her get as morbid as she wanted.

"Tell her whatever you like." Penny offered. "Say I'm in an alternate dimension or I'm traveling through time in the TARDIS."

"Penny." Sheldon's voice was weary.

"Sheldon, I'm sure you'll know exactly what to say when the time comes. You're a genius, after all."

Alexis squealed in her carrier and said "Tree." Suddenly, Penny grabbed Sheldon's elbow.

"There is one thing I want you to tell her."

Sheldon faced her with their baby bouncing between them.

"I want her to know," Penny was smiling but her voice cracked anyway. "that _**I**_ was the love of your life.

Sheldon leaned in to kiss her reverently.

XXXX

Sheldon came home from the comic book store one evening to find all the lights in the apartment dimmed. Penny insisted that he take some time for himself.

"Penny?" He called and dropped his keys in the bowl.

"Hey, Tiger."

Penny stood in the entry to the hall , clad in his Superman shirt.

"Hello." Sheldon swallowed.

"How was the comic book store?" Penny whispered.

"Good. Did we forget to pay the electric bill?" Sheldon put his bag down.

"Just trying to set the mood." Penny sauntered over to him.

"The mood for what?" Sheldon frowned.

"What do you think?" Penny stood on her tip toes and traced his lower lip with her tongue while simultaneously moving his hand under the hem of the shirt so he could feel what _wasn't_ there.

"Oh, dear Lord." Sheldon squeaked. "Penny, do you feel up for this?" Penny pressed herself against him.

"You certainly do." She murmured into his neck and chuckled when she felt a flush heat the skin there.

Sheldon scooped her up and carried her to his room. She was lighter than he expected given her appetite these past two months. He laid down on the bed with her and tried to ignore the fact that he could feel every knob of her spine. Penny's kisses were frantic as she pulled off his double shirts. Sheldon's tongue slid into her mouth while his fingers slid into Penny; she gasped.

"Does that hurt?" He pulled back.

"God, no." Penny tugged him close again. She broke a nail trying to unbutton his stupid plaid pants. Sheldon silently counted each of her ribs. When they finally joined, he kept his head buried in the pillow behind her so she wouldn't feel the tears that fell with each thrust.


	7. Chapter 7

Alexis squealed with delight as Sheldon lifted her out of the tub. Soap bubbles and water dribbled onto his Flash shirt. Penny held the towel wide and Sheldon made a whooshing noise as he swung the baby into it. Penny wrapped her daughter into a bundle and Sheldon pulled the stopper and rinsed off the bath toys.

"This was the life we were supposed to have." Penny finally spoke her secret thoughts.

Sheldon had been scrubbing the tub with cleanser but his arm stopped at her words.

"I know." He finally said, keeping his back to her. "but you didn't call."

"What are you saying? This is my fault?" Penny demanded. "The last time I saw you, you were married."

"As I recall , that fact had little impact on the events of that evening."

Penny stomped out of the bathroom to Leonard's room which had become Alexis' room. She began diapering the squirming baby.

"Penny." Sheldon was behind her.

"I didn't call," Her fingers moved quickly to slip Alexis into pajamas. "because , if you came, I wanted it to be because you wanted to not out of some sense of obligation. It wasn't easy. The nights she wouldn't sleep or I was puking my guts out from chemo that did nothing but make me feel even worse. I would have given anything to have you there with me. Anything." She stopped for a minute to snap up the sleeper. "God, it was so lonely."

Sheldon closed his eyes. So much wasted time. There had been no reason to have not gone to her. Just the same ones that had always dictated his life: fear and control. He cleared his throat.

"I'm here now."

Penny picked up Alexis and inhaled the soothing aroma of a clean baby. She swallowed the lump in her throat that had formed at Sheldon's words.

"You know Sheldon, I'm not surprised you don't dance." She walked out of the room to prepare Alexis' night bottle. "You've got such lousy timing."

XXXX

Leonard headed to Sheldon's office to pick up a book Sheldon wanted. He stopped short when he saw Amy standing outside the closed door.

"Hey, Amy." He called. She tore her attention from the closed gray doorway. The buttons on her cardigan sweater were misaligned- the only indication that she was experiencing some type of distress.

"Leonard, where is Sheldon? Why isn't he at work?"

Leonard gawked at her. "I was under the impression you knew where he was."

Amy gave an impatient shake of her head, "I know why he's no longer at our house but I am unclear as to why he is no longer at work."

"Amy, Sheldon took a leave of absence for the time being. Didn't he tell you that?"

Amy processed that information. Sheldon, her husband, left his job that was his very reason for breathing(or was it?) in order to be at the beck and call of another woman every minute of the day. It occurred to Amy that, perhaps, they had rushed into this marriage paradigm. There really was so much about Sheldon she didn't know.

"I came here to convince him to come home. He's been gone long enough"

"Oh, Amy." Leonard overrode his dislike of this woman to place a comforting hand on her shoulder but she flinched on contact.

"I suppose this has been a fool's errand." She tried to brush off her discomfort as Leonard nodded in the affirmative. "You won't tell him I came here, will you?"

"It wouldn't matter if I did." Leonard replied. "It's bad now. Sheldon never leaves her." Leonard was very sure Sheldon had not mentioned Penny's child so he stopped himself from adding that Mrs. Wolowitz was the now de-facto nursemaid to Alexis. Sheldon appeared only to feed his daughter and put her to bed.

"Very well then. Good bye Leonard." Amy moved down the hall toward the exit, leaving Leonard to wonder how many more lives this cancer was going to destroy.

XXXX

Penny watched from behind the kitchen island. Sheldon sat on the floor near the double helix model with his legs spread. Sitting like that, he practically spanned the entire apartment. Alexis was balanced against the island.

"Come to Daddy, Alexis." Sheldon motioned with his hands.

Alexis lifted one tiny foot then the other. Her arms were held out to her side, her miniature Sheldon hands open for balance.

"Penny! Penny! She's walking."

"I know, Moonpie." There were tears in Penny's eyes. They weren't from seeing her daughter's first steps, though. Pain was gnawing mercilessly on her spine.

Two weeks later, everything went straight to hell

XXXX

Leonard stumbled out from Sheldon's room, blinded by his copious tears. A hand touched his shoulder and guided him until he felt the back of his calves touch the couch. He sat down heavily on the middle cushion, buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Raj and Howard sat helplessly on either side of him. The couch shook with the force of Leonard's crying. When they had arrived, Raj had gone in first followed by Howard. Leonard had been in the room the longest and still felt as if he hadn't said it all.

After five minutes, Leonard quieted down. Raj handed him a wad of tissues and he wiped his eyes and nose. Leonard couldn't shake the image of Penny lying in her bed, thin and weak. She had been rapidly losing weight and was now forced into bed rest. Sheldon had been taking care of both her and Alexis non stop.

"Where's Sheldon?" Leonard asked.

Raj nodded toward the windows and Leonard turned.

Sheldon stood, gazing out at the night. Alexis was a pink ball in his arms with her cheek pillowed on a shoulder that had gone from thin to bony in a matter of months. Her drool soaked his Green Lantern shirt and he swayed slowly back and forth. Leonard caught the soft murmur of his voice.

"I told him to put her in her crib but he just ignores me and keeps rocking her." Howard said.

"What's he doing?" Leonard asked.

"He's been telling Alexis every story about him and Penny. From the time they met to now." Raj explained.

"Every story?" Leonard raised his eyebrows.

"Not the ones I want to hear, that's for sure." Howard commented. "Believe me, I listened.

"How can you be disgusting at a time like this?" Leonard snapped.

"Crying on the inside, my man." Howard tapped his own chest.

The three friends watched Sheldon with his daughter. Snatches of his voice drifted over.

"And then I said, 'Well then may I suggest you get a very long stick and play panty pinata.'"

The baby in his arms squeaked at the soft voice.

"I gotta tell ya," Howard confided. "I never thought he would hold up like this."

"He's been talking to her like that for over an hour and he hasn't cried once." Raj commented. "I, on the other hand, went through a whole box of tissues when he told Alexis about Penny's dislocated shoulder." Raj's voice choked again and Leonard passed back to him the tissues he hadn't use.

"Robots don't cry, Raj." Howard said. When Leonard and Raj glared at him, he looked down at his shoes. "I'm sorry. I tend to say inappropriate things during highly charged emotional situations."

"Really, Dude? What's your excuse for the other 364 days of the year?"

Leonard watched as Sheldon walked away from the window and toward Alexis' room. Sheldon hadn't acknowledged them since he opened the door to let them inside. Leonard shook his head at the assessments of Sheldon 's emotional state that Raj and Howard both made. If they really looked at him, they would see the fire had disappeared from his eyes. Sheldon's calm exterior didn't fool Leonard at all; he knew deep down Sheldon was screaming. Dying right along with the woman he loved.

XXXX

"Sheldon," Penny's voice rasped. "If you don't stop waking up every hour to check if I'm still breathing, I swear I will haunt you from the Beyond."

Sheldon placed the small hand mirror on his nightstand. "Forgive me." He settled down into the bed and pulled Penny to his chest. He felt like he was holding a sparrow; Alexis had more heft to her and she wasn't quite one year old yet.

"Sheldon?"

"Yes, Penny?"

"Are you going to be okay? You know, after." The room filled with the sounds of their breathing.

"I suspect not." The physicist finally said.

"You'll have Alexis." Penny offered. "Won't that be enough?"

"Ah, Penny," Sheldon pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She felt his lips quiver, heard his sharp intake of breath as he wrestled his grief under control. "When it comes to you, nothing is ever enough."

XXXX

Leonard came into the apartment. Alexis was chewing on the top bar of her playpen. Sheldon came out from the back hall. Leonard didn't think it was possible but Sheldon actually looked worse than he did the morning after the disastrous Chancellor's award speech.

"Oh, good, you're here." Sheldon began issuing orders. "Take Alexis to the park. Her infant carrier and diaper bag are on the chair. She doesn't like being pushed slowly in the swing- you really have to send her flying." Leonard heard a low moan come from what used to be Sheldon's bedroom. Sheldon was counting miniature vials of morphine and the accompanying syringes. He kept glancing at the clock.

"Sheldon, why don't you take Alexis? I'll stay here. You need a break."

"Don't be ridiculous, Leonard." Sheldon held up a syringe and a bottle of the potent liquid. He inserted the needle and pulled the plunger.

"Sheldon! It hurts. It hurts." Penny's voice was guttural. At the sound of her voice, Sheldon's hands shook.

"Five more minutes, Penny."

"No. Now. Now." She wailed. Sheldon put the syringe down and stood with his head hanging between his shoulder blades.

"How long does she really have to wait?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon's eyes were haunted. "Two hours."

XXXX

The room was dark and the air was stale and dusty. It felt as if they had been in this room, in this moment for years. Sheldon sat in his spot, a chair next to the bed. He could hear Penny's quick and rapid breathing. Every once in a while her breath would stop and Sheldon would grip the arms of the chair, but she'd start again and he would allow himself to relax just a little.

The doctors told him three weeks ago that she had about a week left. She was allowed to go home so she would be comfortable. Her cries of pain had stopped hours ago, although Sheldon figured that had less to do with comfort and more to do with lack of strength.

"Sheldon-"

The broken whisper tore him from his thoughts. It was the first time Penny had spoken in nearly a week. He sat up and took her hand in his.

"Yes, Penny?" he whispered back, afraid if he spoke to loudly he would disturb whatever force was allowing her to speak.

"Sing Soft Kitty to me."

Sheldon's eyes widened in shock. She told him months ago that she didn't want him to sing Soft Kitty, that it was too depressing. He took a deep breath in and started to sing in a soft, shaking voice.

His voice gave out on the last purr.

XXXX

"Amy, it's Leonard Hofstader."

"Yes."

Leonard paused to swallow some water. He didn't want his voice to shake.

"You should know that Penny died this morning." His voice shook anyway. There was silence on the other end.

"I'm sorry, Leonard. I know how important she was to you all."

"Amy, Sheldon…"

"I'm not prepared to discuss Sheldon at this time." She interrupted. "Goodbye Leonard. Thank you for calling.

When Amy hung up the phone, tears coursed down her cheeks. She had never felt such a profound sense of relief.

XXXX

Three weeks passed before Sheldon came home. The doorbell to the brownstone chimed and Amy could see the outline of his tall frame through the frosted glass. She opened the door to face her wayward spouse.

"Hello." He greeted. Sheldon looked terrible. His skin was gray. His eyes were flat and lifeless; there were permanent circles beneath them. Her lip curled when she saw that he had regressed to dressing in his logo shirts and clashing colors. Where did he manage to find those pants?

"Hello, Sheldon." Amy kept her tone even. Sheldon handed her an envelope.

It was then that a small movement caught her eye. She followed the line of Sheldon's arm to find that it ended with his elegant hand holding the hand of a very young child.

"Amy, this is Alexis." At her name, the child looked up and Amy's wounded heart shattered into a million pieces. She strangled back a cry. Sheldon cleared his throat. His voice had lost its superior undertones. He'd seen too much to be arrogant anymore.

"I have failed you , Amy." He hesitated, gathering his thoughts. "Never in my life have I not experienced success until now. I failed you as a husband, a friend, a lover." Amy was listening though she hadn't stopped staring at the little girl now playing a silent game of peek-a-boo with her from behind Sheldon's leg.

"I don't expect you'll ever forgive my transgressions; I certainly don't warrant it." Sheldon scooped up Alexis so she was now eye level with his stunned wife. "This is all I can offer you now. This child and my most sincere and heartfelt apology for having hurt you as deeply as I did."

Amy looked at the little girl. Flaws in logic aside, sometimes it was true that when one door closed, another opened.

XXXX

Alexis hastily wiped away her tears. Her mother was dry -eyed as always. In some ways, Alexis had always known. There had never been stories of Amy's pregnancy, no talk about her delivery. Sheldon had plenty of stories from the time she was eight months old but he never had mentioned Amy in them. She knew Sheldon was her father . They shared too many physical and mental characteristics for it to be mere coincidence. As she grew older, she saw her parents' marriage for what it was- two people bound by a child they gave all their love to instead of parceling out some for each other.

"My God, Mom. I…I don't even know what to say. How did you learn the whole story?"

Amy sipped her lemonade before answering. " Your father told me most of it." Alexis raised her eyebrow.

"He kept some details to himself." Amy answered her expression "but, we had always been friends. Eventually, Sheldon needed to talk about it. Penny was his best friend, the person he always went to." Amy's voice drifted off. "Knowing his loss and the passage of time, made it easier to listen."

Absently, Alexis rubbed the boot on her left leg. "I just can't…I mean, Dad?"

"Sheldon was a very different man before she died. He loved her. You know your father's capacity for intensity."

Alexis nodded. Her whole life made sense now. Sheldon had molded her to be the type of doctor she was so that no one would ever have to suffer the way Penny had again. Or him for that matter.

Amy slid the manila envelope over to "In this envelope are your birth certificate and the adoption papers I signed. Penny's letter is also here. You can read it. She asked me to ensure that you had a normal childhood. That Sheldon didn't keep you locked up in a lab somewhere." Amy gave a small laugh. "Penny knew him better than anyone in the world and probably loved him more than anyone else. Aside from you, of course."

"Did you ever forgive him? Them?" Alexis asked. Amy stared at her, her eyes magnified by her glasses. She took a deep breath then said, "Penny asked that I make sure you played softball, took dancing lessons, learned how to drive."

Alexis felt the tears fill her eyes again. Her mother had done all those things; she never missed a game or a recital. It was Amy who had taken her out early on Sunday mornings once she got her learner's permit. She also didn't answer her question.

"I'm sure you want to get at the contents of that envelope." Amy said. "Let me show you one thing and then I'll give you some time." She reached into the envelope and pulled out a photo and handed it to Alexis who gasped when she saw it.

The picture was of three faces- Penny, Sheldon and Alexis- taken when Penny had enjoyed her brief remission.

"I look just like her." Alexis covered her mouth with her father's hand.

"Right down to the blond hair." Amy agreed before picking up the glasses and exiting the room.


	8. Epilogue

_Amy,_

_A letter like this should open with a sincere and heartfelt apology but an apology also implies that a person is sorry for her actions. As I sit in this bed ,knowing that this will probably be the last thing I ever write, I am unable to muster the words "I'm Sorry" simply because I am not._

_By the time you read this letter, you will have met Alexis. How can I be sorry for the actions that caused her to come into this world? It is poetic justice to me that you will get to see her become the amazing woman that she is destined to be and to spend the rest of your days with the man that we were both privileged to love._

_I ask you, as her mother, to help Sheldon raise her. He **can't** do it alone; he **mustn't** do it alone. She needs to see that there is more to life than learning. She needs to play softball, try out for the cheering squad, learn to drive, go on dates before she is thirty. In short, she needs a normal childhood to temper her extraordinary abilities. Whenever, you are in doubt, think of the things your intelligence prevented you from experiencing and ensure that Alexis does not have that same gap in her life._

_Amy, Alexis will not remember me. You will be the only mother she will ever know. It is an awesome power you wield over her life and Sheldon's. You can be angry at the adults who caused you hurt and betrayal- we fully deserve it. Alexis, however, is the best of both of us and should be cherished. Here is your opportunity to have unconditional love in your life. I've been lucky enough to experience it twice -from Alexis and from Sheldon; now it's your turn._

_When I think of you, Amy, and the choice you are faced with and the outcome I sincerely hope will happen, I am filled with admiration. You are a better person than all of us, willing to overlook flaws and extend yourself without wanting payback. Sheldon will need you more than ever now. You will have to remind him to be a person and not to regress to the automaton he was when I met him. Make him hug Alexis and you every day- tell him that is a non-optional social convention dictated by me. Cherish every kiss and hug Alexis gives you and know that each one is an expression of my gratitude to you._

_Penny_


End file.
